Are You Ready For Some FOOTBALL!?!?!?

It’s that time of year again!  No, not back to school, no not the appearance of Christmas items in stores; it’s football season!  The leaves are turning, the air is getting cooler and every Sunday afternoon you can find hundreds of thousands* fat, middle-aged men sitting on their couches, drinking beer, eating wings and other noms thoughtfully prepared by their stick thin model wives.  Ok, maybe it’s not quite like a TV sitcom, but you get the idea.

Like these guys, only fatter and less douchy looking. Why is that guy holding a football? Does he think he's going to jump through the screen and help? What about the other guy with the remote? It looks like an intense part of the game, but does he think he needs to change the channel quick? Thank you GoogleImages for these ponder-ings.

Being that I was born and raised in Buffalo, it’s almost like a law that I should be a Bills fan.  Like most things Buffalo, this is rather unfortunate considering their inability to play a game well.  Yet every fall, along with thousands of other fans born and raised in Buffalo who are duty bound with me, we watch the summer camp and preseason with high hopes that this will be the year that we finally win a game, make it into the playoffs, go to Superbowl!  (Winning the Superbowl would be asking too much, though.)  Our hope definitely runs high to the point of delirium.  Remember last year how hopeful we were to have T.O.?  We were so hopeful that we gave him a parade, a rally, and the freakin’ key to the city!  That worked out well, didn’t it?

We’re so hopeful, we’ll sit outside in Ralph Wilson Stadium to watch the Bills lose in a blizzard!  Well, other Bills fans might sit through a blizzard, but I wouldn’t.  I like having all ten toes, thank you very much.

Look, the stadium is packed! Thanks GoogleImages for this enlightening moment.

How do they even know where they are on the field?!

So here I am, in front of the big screen, all cozy in a recliner (anticipating our dinner at Red Lobster later) watching the Bills play the first game of the season against our all-time rival the Miami Dolphins.  I knew last night before we even started playing that we’re going to lose this game because a couple of years ago Miami took back Ricky Williams and now we’re screwed every time we play the Dolphins.  Why oh why did this have to be our first game?  A lose really puts a damper on the rest of the season coming.

Usually it takes me until November to actually give up on the Bills, so I’ll be here in front the T.V. religiously every Sunday at 1pm to watch us… fail.  As usual.  Ah, tradition!

*Note: I am not a statistician, so I have no idea how many people actually watch football in the U.S., let alone what percentage are fat, middle-aged men.

Are you ready for some football?

I have a love-hate relationship with football.  It began at a young age, where, having grown up in Buffalo, I was conditioned to cheer for a team that will likely never, ever make it to the Super Bowl again.  We saw them go a few times, but they never made anything of it.  Every year I start paying attention during train camp, waiting for some signs that the team is going to make it this year.

That’s the thing about Buffalo, even if the facts show that something is not going to go our way (the Bills, Bass Pro, new bridges, the waterfront) we have immense hope that it will go our way.

Well anyway, it’s Superbowl Sunday and that means only one thing is on the minds of Americans – football.  Not to be cliché, but I only watch it for the commercials.  I watch the commercial recap online the next day.  They didn’t wow me last year, so I’m hoping advertisers brought it this year.  It used to be that I would watch the game for the commercials and the half time show, but ever since the infamous “wardrobe malfunction” the half time show has been populated by elderly, musical has-beens; it makes for a good bathroom break.

The problem with watching for the commercials, though, is that precludes me from taking a nap.  When I was little we would come home from church and I would put on my Bills sweat pants, sit on the couch, watch ten minutes, then BAM.  Best.  Nap.  Ever.  I don’t know what it is about the sound of football, but it makes for  very good napping background noise.  The combination of the crowd sounding like white noise, the boring voices of the announcers… it’s just good.

Have a good Superbowl!