Lofty Goals

23 Jun

Do you ever find yourself in a cycle where every day is exactly the same right down the emotions you experience?  Give me a time of day, I can tell you what emotion I’m most likely feeling.   It’s not that I want to drastically change my life, but it’s starting to get really frustrating that this is what every.single.day is like for me:

10pm: Get in bed.  Read, watch a movie, talk to hubby.  Usually feeling pretty optimistic about life right now.  I’m going to get a good great night’s sleep and get up “early” and accomplish a lot.

12pm: Lights off for hubby.  I’m still wide awake.  Making a mental list of things I should do tomorrow: vacuum, dust, workout, clean off the kitchen table….  Writing it down doesn’t help the ideas just keep coming.

1am: So much for that good night’s sleep.  I know I’m going to have a hard time motivating myself i the morning, but my goal’s for tomorrow are starting to get more lofty.  I’m going to work out three times, I’m going to cook a gourmet dinner, I’m going to get up early and make hubby a fancy breakfast burrito…

2am:  My goals are getting stranger the more sleepy I get.  I’m going to repaint the whole building, I’m going to craft something, I’m going to sell it on Etsy, I’m going to find a way to cure cancer, I’m going to leave the TV off all day, I’m going to book Mittens a spa appointment… I’m going to win an award for all I accomplish…

3am:  Loftiest goals thus far: I’m going to clean out the closet tomorrow!!  I’m going to organize the bedroom!  I WILL SCRUB THE TUB!!

6:30-8am: Hubby get’s up, showers, inevitably wakes me up in the process.  I pee.  I wake up a bit.  I think to myself, “Hey, I should just stay up!  Think of all I could do today.  I could take a small nap in the afternoon if I get tired…”  I get back in bed after the pee.  “Eh, I can sleep until 9 or 9:30 and still get a lot done.”  I set my BlackBerry alarm.  Emotion: Somewhat optimistic but mostly sleepy.

9:30 or 10: Alarm goes off.  “#^*% it.  I’m going to back to sleep.”  Emotion: Indifference.

I will not tell you the actual time I get up.  It’s horrifying.  Emotion: Pissed off at myself.  Severely.

Lunch time emotion: Still pissed off, but tomorrow will be better.  Maybe I’ll still get a lot done after my work out(s).

Work out emotion:  Hating Jillian Michaels.

Just completed work out: Loving Jillian Michaels.

Shower time: I feel great because my muscles are a little sore.

20 minutes later:  Muscles back to normal so I feel like I didn’t do enough.  I feel lazy.

I start cleaning: Stuff is getting done.  At least the floors aren’t covered in cat litter (the one thing I do every day is vacuum.)

Hubby pops in for ten minutes:  Feeling depressed that he’s been gone all day, then leaves again for class.

I distract myself with TV, baking, reading, Internet, the three Twilight soundtracks, what have you: Feeling happier.

Hubby comes home:  Happy to see him.

10pm: Get in bed… tomorrow will be different…

Lather, rinse, repeat.

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3 Responses to “Lofty Goals”

  1. Alise June 23, 2010 at 5:23 pm #

    I know how you feel about not sleeping…I always have a hard time shutting off my brain.

    Once I woke up in the middle of solving a math problem.

    Right now, I take melatonin when I know I wont be able to sleep too well.

  2. Margot June 23, 2010 at 6:53 pm #

    try having a glass of wine before bed? or reset your sleep schedule the hard way? also, about your 2 am goals; its not healthy to exercise 3 times a day!

    I hope you feel better soon!

    • rosswife June 24, 2010 at 3:35 pm #

      Margot, they’re 20 to 30 minute work outs each, it’s not unhealthy! And I feel fine, but thank you for the concern 🙂

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