Do Not Go

13 Jun

This past weekend the hubs and I thought we might take in some of the fine Miami culture because when we leave in two months, it’s unlikely we’ll ever get back here for any kind of vacation.  At least not if I have any say.  So we decided to check out the MAM – Miami Art Museum. The website boasted free admission for students and we both have student IDs.  You can’t beat free, though it turns out this past Saturday was free for everyone anyway.

And it’s a good thing it was free because we would have been hella ticked off if we had wasted eight dollars each on this crapfest.  Seriously, don’t waste your time.

The museum is just two small levels and the art is decidedly modern, if you can even call it art at all.  There are people out there who think things like this aren’t art because they’re just geometric shapes:

found via Google Images

You get those people who say, “My five-year old could do that!”  Well, maybe not.  I still consider things like this art.  At least these types of things are well-known.

You won’t find anything like this at MAM.  I’ll share with you two notable pieces, but since photography is not allowed and I couldn’t find google pictures of either, you’ll have to rely on my awesome description skills.

1.  Imagine an electrical outlet on a wall, about a foot and a half off the ground where a normal outlet would be.  It’s a real outlet.  Plugged in is an electrical cord that is in a small pile on the ground and then extends in a straight line (because of gravity, folks) about ten feet up the wall.  It’s nailed in to the wall and hanging off the end are two lit light bulbs.   My analysis: NOT ART.  This is the product of some guy who was too cheap to buy a lamp.

2.  I tried to find a google image of this one specifically, which was a mistake based on what did show up.  Imagine two giant tubes on the floor next to each other, about a foot apart and the size of shipping barrels, about chest high.  They were a marbled peach/white color that looked like semi-translucent parchment paper, which naturally I thought they were until I read the description next to it.  Not parchment.  Hog intestine.  Yes, intestine.  This “artist” had dried out intestine, somehow welded it together into two giant tubes, then… get this… stuffed them with more, dried up intestine.

Well, the museum was sort of busy given it was a free day, but I didn’t hold it in.  I read that sign and said out loud, “That’s disgusting!  That’s intestine!?  Augh, that’s the repulsive.”  Then I walked away.  I don’t care if you think that means I have no appreciation for art, but that’s foul.  I need to notify PETA of this and I can’t stand PETA, either.

As we left the museum we went past a kid who was saying something about seeing the four white walls, and I thought – if this museum was literally just four white walls and you stood in that room, it would be an improvement.  Luckily the Historical Museum of Southern Florida was right next door, also had a free day, and had many more entertaining things inside, such as a CSI Crime in Miami exhibit.  The regular exhibits were pretty good, too and took us through South Florida history from the time of the Native Americans there to today.  I would have gladly spent the eight dollars for that museum.


2 Responses to “Do Not Go”


  1. Oh Snap, It’s August! « Rosswife's Blog - August 5, 2010

    […] beach type person so that part of the city doesn’t appeal to me.  There is no real art here (as we discovered a few weeks ago) and everything else is the same as any other city.  It just doesn’t do it for […]

  2. Some Culture in ATL « Rosswife's Blog - February 7, 2011

    […] because I couldn’t picture myself ever going back for a vacation.  That resulted in our unfortunate trip to an art museum.  I still don’t care if I ever drive through Miami again, though I do miss our favorite […]

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