13 May

3 out of 5 noms

When Chris and I went to set up a new bank account, the banker asked us how we liked Miami.  He then told us about this restaurant, OneBurger.  He said it was the best burger he had ever eaten and being that Chris and I are somewhat burger junkies, we decided to try it.  Spontaneously, lunchtime today became the time to go.

We were able to get a parking spot on the same block, so that was a plus.  Like most places in Miami, parking is on the street and metered.  We walked into the restaurant and I was immediately struck by the white atmosphere.  The doors, walls, ceilings, floors, and cabinets were all white.  The menu board behind the counter was black and white and the photos on the walls were also black and white.  It didn’t take me long to notice that most of the clientele were modern yuppies.  I felt out of place in my khaki mini skirt and button down shirt – both from Banana Republic.  I was glad I hadn’t worn flip-flops or Bermuda shorts, which are my usual uniform here.

We stared at the menu awhile and, being that I don’t like fancy burgers with weird stuff, it took me a few minutes to finds something I thought I would like.  I settled on the “Baby Burgers – pancetta bacon, plum tomato, white american cheese, with a savory worchestershire [sic] spread.”  They were $5.65 for two mini burgers but I made it a combo for an extra $4.50, adding a side caesar salad and drink.  I asked for mayo on the burger because I can never eat a burger without mayo on it.  They didn’t charge extra, thank goodness.

The hubs ordered “Fancy Bacon Cheddar – Italian pancetta bacon, sharp vermont cheddar, green leaf lettuce, tomato, savory worchestershire [sic] spread.”  His cost $6.95 and he made it a combo with the spicy fries and drink for an extra $3.25.  These were two of the cheapest burger options on the menu.  The most expensive, The Kobe Beef Burger, is $12.95.  Most cost around seven to eight dollars, though making it a combo really hikes up the price.

Find out if we liked the food after the break…

Some other burgers on the menu include the “Caprese – tomato, mozzarella di bufala, pesto, aged balsamic spread,” the “Globe – gorgonzola cheese and a classic globe salad of baby greens, green apple and toasted walnuts in a sherry vinaigrette,” or for simpler tastes, the “Black Castle – finely chopped and char-grilled white onion, american cheese, ketchup.”  I think just about everyone could find a burger they liked on the menu.  There are also turkey, seafood, and vegetarian burgers, as well as salads and chicken sandwiches.  They have soft serve, milkshakes, and baked good on the menu for dessert.

Click here to see their full menu.

After ordering we filled our cups from the fountain and noticed there was minimal seating.  The tables were, obviously, white and the chairs were grey, see-through acrylic.  We sat at a tall table and the stool was very uncomfortable.  It wobbled beneath me and I didn’t think I would be able to stay atop it for the whole meal.  Thankfully, I did not topple over.

A server brought us our meal on cheap styrofoam plates.  The baby burgers were indeed baby sized.  Each was a bit smaller than your standard bar slider.  Chris’s burger was small for a burger, too.  I enjoyed the pancetta bacon on the burger, it was a good change from standard bacon.  The burgers, though miniature, were not bad, though I think the tomato slice was thicker than the beef.  The meat was cooked medium well, maybe a bit closer to well.

I snagged a couple of Chris’s spicy fries which had a great flavor and had a medium heat.  I hate spicy food but I was able to eat these almost comfortably.  Aside from the spice, they were seasoned nicely and had the perfect fry consistency.  Slightly crisp on the outside, not too soft on the inside.

I then tried my caesar salad side.  It tasted like there was gasoline in the dressing!  Being the mean wife that I am, I made Chris try a bite and he agreed.  It was a very strange flavor, but I ate the whole thing (all in the name of science!) hoping that the cook hadn’t actually used gasoline in the recipe.  Ten hours later I still don’t feel sick, so it must have been a weird seasoning.

I was surprisingly full not starving after eating the two mini burgers and Exxon-Mobil caesar salad.

Our table was near the front counter by a window, so as we ate we were tempted by the three dessert domes containing mini-cupcakes, carrot cake, and white chocolate chip macadamia nut cookies.  We broke down and decided to have some mini-cupcakes.  They were definitely mini, one bites worth each.  They were priced four for $6.42, which is a rip off.  They tasted like boxed cake mix and the icing was far too sugary.

As we left the line was starting to grow.  It doesn’t seem like the place is hurting for business and some stickers on the bottom of their door boasted they were rated in the Zagat guide and they had two stickers from local awards.  Yet when I searched for them on the Zagat website, they were not listed and didn’t come up in my search for their exact name.  According to various reviews I read on Google, other people seem to like it.

Overall, the atmosphere was uncomfortable and the food was overpriced.  We spent about thirty dollars on the meal when we could have had a better, more filling meal at Five Guys for less than half the price.  When we got back in the car Chris said his normal burger joint will definitely be Five Guys and I had to agree.  I probably won’t ever go back to OneBurger, though I wouldn’t refuse if a friend really wanted to go there.

367 Alhambra Circle
Coral Gables


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