Recipe Sunday on Hold / RANT

11 Apr

So recipe Sunday is on hold until we are settled in at our new “Condo” in Miami.  You’ll get a brand spankin’ new recipe to try in three or four weeks.  In the meantime I’m not experimenting with anything new because we have a lot of pasta in the cupboards and meat in the freezer to eat up before we move!

In other news, some Internet stranger on The Nest called my husband a douche bag today.  So I think I’m done with the national message boards on the website for awhile.  I’m not mad because it’s just not true, “my husband is one of the least douchiest people I know,” I wrote back to her.  But yeah, I’m done for now because civilized human beings don’t talk to each other in that way.

Here’s the back story: The original poster (OP) has been married three months but has been with her husband for four.  He lost his job in the car industry and untold amount of time ago and has since been very depressed.  The OP was frustrated because her husband wouldn’t help her with the laundry at the laundromat.  She works, I’m assuming full time, and evidently he sits on his butt all day.  So she went out and bought a washer/dryer.  He was pissed but eventually wanted to help her set up, after she had already figured out how to do it herself.

So I reply to her that if I’d gone out and bought a washer/dryer without asking my husband first, he’d be pissed to.  That’s when my husband was called a douche bag, just like the douche bag in the OP.

But neither of them are douche bags.  Here’s the thing a chunk of the replies don’t understand: depression is a serious, serious thing.  It doesn’t just mean you’re sad.  Maybe none of those posters have seen the commercials for various antidepressants.  “Depression doesn’t just affect your mood,” they say, and having witnessed and experienced it first hand, that’s absolutely correct.  The husband probably has a hard time getting himself out of bed in the morning and then all he can do is sit on the couch.  He may be eating nothing, or he may be overeating.  He’s probably in pain, too.  So it’s really not surprising that he’s unmotivated to go to the laundromat.

Also, it doesn’t matter that women’s rights have come so far the man doesn’t need to be the bread winner, blahblahblah .  A man who can’t provide for his wife will feel like he’s failed.  That’s just how it is, and that’s probably how this guy is feeling.

But I’m not saying this is a valid excuse to not help his wife out, who seems pretty busy with work and strangely burdened with laundry.  He needs to see a doctor about his medical condition and get treatment for it right away.  Therapy could help because the OP indicated anger issues and it sounds like they could both benefit from couple’s therapy.

And I’m sorry you feel my husband is a douche bag, but the fact remains that yes, even though it was her money and she was buying the washer/dryer, major purchases should be discussed beforehand in any marriage.  Always.

Some of the replies were suggesting divorce.  Divorce would be a kick in the crotch to this guy.  You don’t divorce your husband because he lost his job and got depressed.  That’s just sick.  I am a firm believer than any marriage can be saved (except those that have involved physical abuse).  Irreconcilable differences is a load of bull.  This couple can work it out and I sincerely hope they do.  The purchase of American made cars is on the rise (thank God) so I hope the husband can find a job soon.

People are far too divorce happy in this country.  He won’t put his laundry in the basket and leaves it on the floor?  Bam, irreconcilable differences.  What a load of bull.  Bend over and pick up the laundry and you’ve burned some calories.  Or refuse to do what’s on the floor and make him to it himself.  Marriage takes work, but it’s not rocket science.

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